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Writer's pictureVirginia Ripple

Can’t Go Back

by Rev. Gina Johnson

 

Today we will conclude our three-week series on having faith like a mustard seed and so our scripture passage that's been with us throughout this time comes from Matthew 17:20.

 

He replied, because you have so little faith truly I tell you if you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can say to this mountain move from here to there and it will move nothing will be impossible for you.

 

I’m going to use the story that we're all so familiar with of the Israelites wandering in the desert as we go into this last place of this series with titling “I Can't Go Back.”

 

If we know much about the Israelites when they are wandering in the desert they go through a really unique time of I'm gonna say forgetting, that they were in slavery, miserable, watching people they cared about be beaten, treated poorly, watching their young as much as their elderly be subject to slavery. And this went on for years and years and they finally found freedom through God sending Moses and his brother Aaron, through all of those plagues to show the Egyptians that it was time to let his people go. He parts the Red Sea, and they’re terrified I'm sure, apprehensive the Israelites still cross over and they recognize that Pharaoh's army has now been dealt with and they can make their way to the promised land. And you just give it a little bit of time and next thing you know they want to go back.

 

Now, I want to share a story with you this morning about a leaf. There was this leaf who recognized that with the season change that pretty soon he would no longer be able to cling on to the branch that he's been clinging on to for quite some time.

 

It just took a gentle gust of wind that finally sent the leaf into the river floating along. And as the leaf continued to float down the river he had a longing for what used to be. He had a longing for that branch where he first experienced that budding and thought gosh if I could only be back there. I don't know what's ahead of me but I can't go back. I can't go back.

 

And he sat there and spoke to the river and said, “River, you've been here for so long. You've seen many other leaves. How can I go back?” And the river said, “Oh my dear leaf, I can't take you back upstream. The water has flowed and those moments have passed. But look now you are a part of a vast and beautiful landscape and new experiences await.”

 

As the leaf took all of that in, he sat there, and he pondered, and he started replaying various memories in his mind and he thought, “Oh I want to go back.”

 

To be continued. And so here we are in the book of Exodus, Numbers, a little bit of Deuteronomy and instead of pulling up a chair and reading you guys three books of the Bible, we are going to just move through what took place with our Israelites wandering in the desert.

 

We are going to look over there where they are wanting to go back to Egypt, forgetting what it meant to receive God's blessing and provision, then forgetting what it meant to trust in God. We're going to take a look at those places that led them to longing for what was and what could never be again. And if you really look at what they experienced back there, why would they want to go back to that? It starts off with them out wandering in the desert. There is a lack of food and water. And here is my question for you to think about: where do we find areas in our life that we find common ground with the Israelites that place us in that place of saying we want to go back?

 

When they had a lack of food and water, they grumbled about their hunger and their thirst and God heard their cry and he provided manna for them. He provided quail for them. He provided water from a rock for them. Believe it or not they were discontent with God's provision. They got tired of eating the manna. They took more of the manna than they were supposed to and it spoiled. And once again they found themselves there grumbling.

 

Where is the lack in your life? Where are you clinging to ideas of scarcity and looking back at a time and saying, “It was better back then. Here I don't have what I used to have. There never seems to be enough. This isn't going to work out. Can't I just go back there?”

 

Where are the places in your life that you find yourself hungry and thirsty, and I mean that metaphorically, but instead of looking forward you're hungry and thirsty and you're angry with God? You're hungry and thirsty and you're looking back wanting something that was instead of being present to all that is.

 

As they continued on in their days of wandering in the desert, they began to question the leadership and the decision-making. They would criticize Moses. They continued to push at him and push at him and Moses was overwhelmed. And he turned to God and God helped him by establishing a system of elders that would help Moses in his leadership.

 

Where are there places in your life that you are questioning how you're being led and where you're being led to? Maybe it's in your church life. Maybe it's in your work life. Maybe it's in your personal life at home. But where are those spaces that instead of bringing possible solutions, instead of saying, “hey how can I help in this?”, do you find yourself just like the Israelites? Saying, “Hey, Moses, you didn't do that one right. Hey, Moses, you said it would look this way. Why doesn't it look that way? Hey, Moses, I thought this was only gonna last this long. Why is it still going on?”

 

God established a system of elders to help Moses in dealing with what they were facing.

 

Where in your life do you need to turn to God and figure out how to go about this differently? Who can I pull in around me and help me to be present where I am, so I can look ahead? Who do I need to pull alongside of me that I can trust during these challenging times to remind me that the promised land is ahead? What system of elders and accountability and trustee people has God surrounded you with? And are you leaning on them? Are you calling out to them in those days where you're wandering through hungry and thirsty and grumbling? Are you remembering to use that system of elders? Are you remembering to use that tribe of friends and family who are there to keep you from wanting to go back and to be present right where you are?

 

As they continued in their time in the desert they were faced with fear and doubt. Another one that I'm sure sounds familiar. I know that one myself when I think “Gosh, where am I challenged?” And it's not so much in not being able to see a vision of what's to come. It's really easy to see the vision of what's to come. It's really easy to believe in what's to come. What happens to me is the trusting along the way.

 

And people might say, “Well how can you be so certain in what's to come and not trust along the way?” Well I'll tell you what, as soon as I solve that problem, I will share it with everyone. But it just is what it is.

 

They did the same thing. They could see the promised land out there. They were proven left and right that God is on their side. And even as they saw the vision, as they saw their new home, as they saw their freedom, a place where they can truly acknowledge who they are and be God's people, they still fell back into the I don't know.

 

I mean God only demonstrated with all of those plagues and parting of the Red Sea and the food and the water. God only demonstrated by setting up the system of elders. God only demonstrated by healing the sick and forgiving them when they decided to build a calf in idolatry. God only demonstrated his power each and every day, his compassion and his grace. And still they see the promised land and say, “I don't know if we're gonna make it there. I'm afraid. I doubt this is gonna work. Moses, I don't really know if you got this. Can we just turn around and go back?”

 

It's amazing what happens when fear and doubt rear its head in our lives if we don't look to God, if we don't turn inward and trust the empowerment of the Spirit, if we don't call in our support to help us in that time. It's really easy to stare at all of the vast amazingness that's coming our way and say, “Yeah I don't really see it. I don't really think we're gonna get there.”

 

It's amazing when we are focused on looking back how much it keeps us from seeing the future ahead, but most of all from being present here and now. I know I've shared this with you numerous times. I had a mentor and it just always stick in my head, but it was the whole analogy of driving forward and you're looking through your windshield, but what lots of us do along the way is we spend a lot more time looking in our rearview mirror. And if you go, please don't go try this, but if you were to go in your car right now and start driving down the road looking in the rearview mirror the whole time you're going to crash into your future and it's not necessarily going to be the future you were hoping for. We can't move forward while staring in the rearview mirror.

 

It's amazing that as the Israelites continued in their time there that they were just so focused on what they used to have versus what they have now. I know I have been there a number of times. I know I have come out of really amazing experiences, things that would give me further knowing, further understanding, things that would release all the fear and all the doubt and I've walked out of these times thinking to myself, “Yes, we are on our way.” And it only takes the slightest slip in faith, just like it takes the smallest mustard seed of faith, to send me in another direction.

 

We can't go back and I'm going to tell you why. Because God's plan, our plan, our plan in co-creation with God is a plan of progress. It's not a plan of regression. It's not a plan of moving backwards.

 

It's a plan of moving forward just as the Israelites were destined to go to the promised land. God has a promised future for each and every person here and I will tell you in the same vein, do not overly spend your time looking at that future or you’ll miss the things you need to do in the present to get to that future.

 

If we're looking backward we can't focus on the goodness and what we have unfolding now. If we're spending too much time looking forward we can't properly be present to all that we have to do to bring that future to fruition.

 

Another reason that we can't go back is because the past holds chains not comfort. I'm not trying to tell you that there aren’t beautiful memories in the past. Every single experience that you've had in life, whether or not you believed it, has been perfect because it's brought you right here right now. I’ve said this phrase to my children many times: I don't wish the life I've had on anyone. It's filled with little stories that people would label as trauma, stories that people would label as abuse, stories that people would say, “Gosh that really should have messed her up for life,” stories that people would feel sad for the little girl, but the truth of the matter is I wouldn't trade any one of my life experiences for anything.

 

We've seen the movies where someone is so hopeful that they can go back, that they can just change that one thing, and they change that one thing and it changes everything. So even when we have those times that cause us to stop and say, “You know, I liked it better back when,” the minute we want to digress and alter that one thing, think about how it alters everything else. The truth of the matter is, unless one of you in here has that time machine that you haven't told me about, you can't go back and alter it anyway. You can pretend and we'll see where that gets you, but that's the whole thing, the past has beautiful memories, beautiful lessons. Grab them, keep them, but recognize that you can't stay back there.

 

Don't let nostalgia get you into such a place where you are blind to where you are and what's ahead. The other reason that we can't go back is if you understand faith, faith connects very closely to perseverance, to moving forward, to not giving up and so look again at the Israelite story.

 

If you remember, Caleb and Joshua were sent to go and spy on the promised land. They went to see what they could do there, and they had to trust God in that situation. So recognize that our faith will be strengthened as we take steps forward, not steps back.

 

I remember when I was faced multiple times in my life with two paths that looked very promising. They both had so much wonderful potential. They both were filled with great blessing to a point where I was wondering, “Wait, God, why would I have two options here from which to choose?” And I remember talking to some people and they would say, “Well, Gina, you want to choose the one that's more challenging because then you're gonna lean more into God.” There was a time in my life where I was like that's great advice. I don't feel the same anymore. And there's another one I say, “Oh, Gina, you need to go on the path that is effortless because that's the path that God has provided for you.”

 

You know what I believe? I believe that every path that we happen upon has been perfectly provided for us and it's all about where we are as we embark on that path. We can choose, as Ram Dass says, to be here now. You know one of my favorite things is my business partner. He’s always saying to people, “Okay, just for a moment, just for a moment try to be somewhere else.”

 

Just do it. Whether you're gonna close your eyes or take a deep breath, just try to be somewhere else and though you may be able to go and visit a memory in your mind or picture someplace you're gonna be this afternoon eating lunch, when you try to be somewhere else and you stop for a moment and really think about it, where are you? Right where you were when you started.

 

The truth of the matter is, you're not even the same person you were five minutes ago and that sounds so difficult for people to understand. What are you talking about, Gina? I've just been sitting here reading as you’ve told about the Israelites and shared the word with us and told us stories about leaves. What do you mean I'm not the same person? Because we are always moving forward. Our consciousness is always developing the work that the Spirit is doing in us, that sanctification, that transformation, that unfoldment is always happening and we should be thankful it's happening.

 

I met a gentleman on a plane not too long ago and we were having a conversation and the word failing came up. I was like “Oh that word failing. I don't know if I like that word.” But then he said, “Well I always fail forward.”

 

I love it. I always fail forward. Because you can't go back. You might think, “Oh my gosh! This has set me back.” But did you learn from it? Do you have new ideas and new resources and new creativity from it? Then you've grown from it. You've moved forward from it.

 

Some of the action steps that I want to invite you all to practice as you are moving forward each and every moment is one, why don't you identify your Egypt? Where in your life are you still clinging to past challenges? Where in your life are you more focused on future goals than being present to your life right now? Recognize the things that hold you back. Are there certain habits? Are there certain patterns? Are there certain things that you've been practicing for years and you even recognize this isn't a good practice but for whatever reason you haven't chose to let it go?

 

I know I find those little places all the time in my life and sometimes it's something simple like time management. I don't know how many of you all have that problem but there are little habits about me that I know if I would just choose to shift that habit it would do me a lot of good. So what is it going to take for me to make that shift? Identifying my Egypt.

 

Identifying the places where I'm challenged. Identifying those places where I've locked into patterns and thoughts and habits that are holding me back so I can break myself free of them.

 

It's also important that you set yourself some clear goals. That you take that huge goal that you might be looking at and saying “Gosh, I see it, but I don't know how to get there,” and then you break it down into smaller goals. Because sometimes we can get overwhelmed very much the same way Moses did when we're always looking at the promised land.

 

So, let's pretend the promised land is ten miles away. Well what do we need to do just to move one mile forward? What do we need to do when we think about our lives and we say “We know that we can move forward to a promised land.” It’s not “Hey how do we get back to where we used to be?” Because even if we were to magically find a way to go back to when things seemed better do we ever stop and recognize and say that wouldn't be the same in 2024? Because we have changed and grown and evolved.

 

When we don't have the things set out in front of us that we want to move towards, we can easily get lost. When we don't take the time and appreciate, yes, where we've been, but more so where we are now, it's very easy to get stagnant and sit still.

 

One of the other practices that I would recommend to just continue to keep yourself focused on moving forward is gratitude. I think most of the time, somewhere, the mention of gratitude comes into play because another thing that we do when we are focused on what was and what we don't have and where we wish we could be is we let go of gratitude.

 

How many times am I guilty of looking at the chaos in my life and missing out on the blessing and how many times am I guilty of determining that what I see is chaos when actually everything taking place is a blessing? Because every adversity has that opportunity. Every challenge that is in my life is either a reminder of a blessing or it's going to help mold me and shape me into a blessing that's to come.

 

Another one that I've shared time and time again when I sit at home and I see the piles of laundry and I'm like, “Oh my gosh! How will we ever get caught up in this laundry?” And just last week our dryer went out, so it was like “Oh no! I already have this and now the dryer doesn't work.” And then I remember. I remember being a single mom and talking to my dad about laundry, I only had one little kiddo then, and my dad said, “Every time you look at that pile of laundry, you need to be thankful that you have clothes to wear. You need to be thankful that you have a little girl who's making messes and making memories and getting all dirty. You need to be thankful that you have a washer and a dryer.” And then it just goes on because where is that washer and dryer? In my apartment. Where is my apartment? In a safe building within my community. And there's just blessing after blessing that you can find. So whether it's a pile of laundry, whether it's empty pews, whether it's your boss that can't seem to hear you no matter what you say, there is a blessing in there where you can pause and practice gratitude.

 

And last, but not least, is as you are working on moving forward, as you are in the practice of being here now so you can continue in your unfoldment, remember to renew your mind. Remember to spend time in the Bible, to spend time in those other places that bring you nourishment and help you. Maybe it's sitting at coffee with some friends, hopefully at Sunday morning church. Maybe it's a small group during the week or one of the community organizations such as the Optimists or the Lions. Maybe it's calling a dear friend on the phone. Maybe it's picking up an old book or listening to an audio.

 

Whatever it is, get in the practice of renewing your mind daily. Get in the practice of renewing your mind and focusing on what is here right now and then practice perseverance. Anticipate that there will be challenges, there will be obstacles, but when we trust in the presence of God that resides in each one of us, those challenges and those obstacles are tiny compared to the blessing that's coming on the other side.

 

Those challenges and those obstacles have no hold over us like the love and the promise that God has given us. If you celebrate every small victory on the way to the promised land, you will stay motivated. You will continue moving forward. We are here now in gratitude and perseverance and faith. We are coming to a time where we are going to look at the mountain and say, “Mountain, move!” And then we're going to see it move.

 

But remember, it takes embracing these steps. It takes embracing where you are here and now and it takes having that faith as small as a mustard seed. I said this before and I want to say it again. I recognize that my faith isn't even the size of a mustard seed because we have all the power with our faith.

 

Jesus told us, he said, “Because you have so little faith, truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to the mountain, move from here to there and it will move. Nothing, nothing will be impossible for you.”

 

So as I'm giving this message, giving a talk about having faith like a mustard seed, man, if my faith was there, I wouldn't be here in this very moment. That's not me saying I wouldn't be where I am. That's me saying all of this would look a lot different. So I invite you all to lock arms with me and let's start taking the steps every day in our thoughts, in our conversations, in our actions, in the way that we see people in the community.

 

Let's start taking those steps to grow our faith into that mustard seed because even if it only gets as big as a mustard seed, with all of us having faith like a mustard seed, we're not just gonna move a mountain. We're gonna move a whole mountain range.

 

So back to that story about our leaf friend.

 

He sat and he thought and he thought and he kept saying, “Oh, I just, I just want to go back. I just want to go back.” Then, as he looked and he saw other leaves floating down the river, and he widened his view a little more and he saw the beautiful vastness that the river was describing to him and he thought to himself, “If I keep clinging on to the past, I will never embrace this present.” And so he let go and he effortlessly began to float down the river, taking in all of the vibrancy around him.

 

I want to close with a quote from an anonymous journeyer. This journeyer sat at the end of a day's travel and gazed ahead at the unfamiliar landscape that they would be embarking on tomorrow. And as they looked behind them, they had a recognition that, “Gosh, I can hardly see all the steps I've taken, but I know that I'm here.”

 

And this is what she said. She said, “Yesterday's journey prepared me for today's beauty. Tomorrow's path awaits unseen, but I'll face it with the wisdom of today.” Yesterday's journey prepared me for today's beauty and the wisdom of today will prepare me for tomorrow. If we don't stop and be here now, we're gonna miss the wisdom of today.

 

So when we get out a week from now and say, why hasn't this changed? Why is it still like me? Why am I still in this same place? Well, one, you're not in the same place. You're just so caught up in yesterday's journey that you're not sitting here today to get the wisdom to move into tomorrow.

 

Please pray with me.

 

Almighty God, we give you thanks for this opportunity to be in community, to receive your word, to feel your Spirit that's always present. God, challenge us, guide us, move us forward, and we will celebrate as we come closer to your promised land. Holy Spirit, thank you for this very present moment where we are with you, where we are with one another, where we are just being here now.

 

It's in Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

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