by Pastor Gina Johnson
So when I go to the city market in Kansas City, it's funny because there's all those little shops and there's all those little things and places to see, you know, and there's all sorts of cute, cute stuff. I have six kids and I love buying things for my kids or surprising my kids more than I do for myself, you know, but I get in there and it's just like, wow, ooh, ooh, ooh. And it's like, oh yeah, Dorothea. Oh, oh yeah. Travis Bruce. Oh yeah.
You know? And it's like, man, you just wanted it. You start seeing these things like, “Oh my gosh, that would make them so happy. That would make me so happy.”
You know? And then I get over to where all that produce is and it's so funny because I love to cook. That's really where I go bonkers. I'm like, I don't have enough room in my car for all this stuff.
It's so great, you know, but whether it's the produce and the fruits and the vegetables, whether it's the clothing and the knickknacks, whether it's any of those things, it's amazing how in that moment, I think to myself, “Ooh, I'm going to buy this and it's going to bring happiness to this person. I'm going to buy this and it's going to give me so much joy. As soon as I have this, it's going to be great.”
And it is for a moment. And that's not me saying don't have appreciation for the things that we have, the people in our life, the vacations we get to take, but these things are just momentary and they fade away as quickly as they come. In our world today, there's always that constant message of do more, get more, have more, be more, and then you're going to have it all, you know? So if you don't feel like you have it all, well, then you need to do more.
If you don't feel like you have it all, you need to get more, look outside of yourself, see that shiny object and go and have it. Now, I don't know how many of you all have seen the cartoon Aladdin, but Abu, the little monkey, when they're in the cave of wonders, the instructions are, get the lamp and touch nothing. But he sees this big ruby gem and Abu just can't help it.
He's looking at it. His eyes are bonked out, and it's like, “Oh,” and he goes to it and Aladdin sees him, at the last moment. He's like, “Abu!” And then the monkey touches it. All of a sudden, all of those riches, all of that vastness, it starts to come crumbling down and they're going to end up trapped in the cave of wonders.
You know the rest. If you don't know the rest, then go and get the movie. It's the cartoon version from Disney.
But the thing is, that's what happens. We see something outside of ourselves, whether it is a person, a relationship, a job, a title, money, a certain amount of zeros in our bank account, whatever it is, we see something outside of ourself and we say, this is going to be what's going to make me happy. If I could just get enough of this thing, if I could get more of this thing, this is what's going to give me that happiness, but then it fades away.
Our scripture today comes from Matthew 6, 19 through 21. Do not store up for yourself treasures on earth where moths and vermin destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moths and vermin do not destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
You know, it's so easy to hear that scripture and just think, “Oh, here comes a message about, don't store up all your money. This must be a tithing message. You know, focus on higher things and give more money to the church. Don't get caught up in money for yourself.
But that's not actually anywhere near the direction I want to go in this. I really want you all to think about this a different way. You know, it's not just about money.
There are so many things out there that we come to treasure, that we put all of our focus onto, whether it's for a week, for a month, for a year. We find these things outside of ourselves and they're shiny and they're distracting, and they lure us in and we lose sight of the things that we really need to turn our focus to. We even get caught up in playing the comparison game, you know, keeping up with the Joneses.
Oh, you guys ever play this one? When I used to live in a neighborhood, “Uh-oh, they cut their lawn. We better cut our lawn. Oh, they did this over here. We better start planting in our flowers over here.” And those are just the little things.
How often in our lives have we looked at what someone else had and it's caused us to say, “Oh, I don't have that. So I must not be good enough. I must not be as special as they are until I have that.” Those are the things that keep us maybe up with the Joneses, but keep us away from our true joy because you cannot find true fulfillment when you're seeking treasures from the world.
You cannot find that true peace and that internal satisfaction that comes from something deeper than materials, that comes from something deeper than relationships, that comes from something deeper than statuses and titles outside of you. The world is going to offer you many treasures in all kinds of shapes and sizes and forms, but in the end, we recognize that they're temporary and the deep longing within your heart doesn't get satisfaction with external things. Fulfillment from the world can never satisfy you like fulfillment from within.
In our human nature, we want to seek what we can see, what is visible before us. We go back there all the time. Faith, is having that trust, having that belief in the things you cannot see.
Well, what fun is that? When you say, “Okay, this is going to happen,” you want some kind of confirmation. Even if you're making a coffee date with someone. Yeah, we're going to grab coffee. Okay, when are we going to do that? Oh, next week sometime. Well, what day? Oh, Tuesday. Well, what time? Because you want to write it down. You want some kind of, oh, this is happening.
And just to say, it's coming your way. Hang in there, guys. Just keep waiting before you know it, these pews are going to be filled. Hey, all of your physical aches and pain, just hang in there before you know it, they're going to be gone. Oh, you know your financial troubles before you know it, everything's going to be okay.
How easy is that to grab a hold of? As opposed to if you saw a bus pulling up right now and people started coming in. As opposed to if I had a check to hand you. Or as opposed to if I had that person you've been waiting to meet your entire life to say, “Hey, here you go. Here's that dream relationship you've always been waiting for.”
It's so much easier to buy into the joy, to the fulfillment that we deserve when we can hold it in our hands, when we can see it right in front of us. But when we need to trust, when we need to lean in, when we need to turn inward and trust that it's going to be provided, that it's already here, those are the moments where it's very hard to hang in there. Those are the moments where it's easier to trust that old programming of if I don't have it in my hand, if it's not right in front of me, if I'm not getting praised for it, that it must not actually be happening.
And that's the programming that we need to move away from because it says clearly in the book of first John 2:15,
Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.
We're all familiar with the fact that we are in the world, but we are not of the world, but we keep living like we are of the world. We keep living like if we don't reach a certain status quo—and maybe we don't do it out loud, maybe it's not something we share with our friends and our family—but how many of us in our own private spaces are still saying, I haven't done enough. I'm not good enough. This isn't fulfilling enough. I need something more here.
When I lived in North Dakota, and I lived there 13 years, I went to a church called Valley Christian church. It was in Moorhead, Minnesota. And I worked for the girl scouts, Dakota Horizons. And I worked for another company doing fundraising and customer service work. And I had four children and one on the way. And I was in school full time and I was in college full time. I was so high strung and a little high maintenance that I didn't like working for. When I left for the day, I wanted to make sure that Travis and the kids knew what they were going to eat, when they were going to eat it, what he was supposed to do with the kids. I wanted to come home and still cook dinner. I wanted to be the one that did the grocery shopping. I wanted to control it all. I wanted to do it all.
And I remember a lady saying to me, “Gina, I saw your name in seven places in the church newsletter. I want you to know that I've been caught up in those things before. And unless you stop and really find something that gives you joy, you're just going to keep volunteering for all of these things. You're going to keep chasing something.”
And I'm like, “Oh, thank you, Mary. That's so sweet of you.” But I was proud of myself. I was an education director. I was part of hospitality. I love the youth. I love the children. I did all of these things. How many people could list off all the things I could say and the accolades and have this beautiful family, this wonderful husband, all these things. No, it wasn't common.
My favorite thing was when people would say, “How do you do it?” And I boast to myself, “Yeah, how do I do it? How do I do it?”
Then one day I was on my way to work and it just all hit me. How am I still doing this? Why am I still doing this? How am I every day meeting all of these marks, climbing up all of these rungs on this ladder and I feel empty inside? I'm saying my prayers. I'm going to church. I'm in church Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday, and multiple days a week. Everyone knows me and loves me at work. My kids are amazing. But I felt so empty.
And I went to this pattern of, “Okay, so what do I do from here?” I'm not going to go through all the thoughts that went through my head, but they weren't serving. They weren't helpful at all. What ended up as the outcome of that is I stopped going to college. I quit both of my jobs. I pulled back from every church role I was in. Travis went out and went to work and I ended up staying home with the kids. I had what I called a mental breakdown and a spiritual awakening.
The reason that happened is because I was trying to find out who I was and what this world could offer me by looking out there. It was never enough. There was always more I could do.
I went to bed every night thinking, “Dang it, Gina, you haven't done enough. Yeah. You've got a great family. Yeah. You've got this great husband. Yeah. You're getting this great education. You have two jobs.”
It wasn't enough because those things do not fulfill. Those things do not satisfy. And I thought I loved them. I thought I desired them. I thought if I just kept going this route, I was going to be able to give my children everything and more. I was going to have the happy ever after fairy tale. I was going to be high promotion status at work, but it didn't matter because I didn't know me.
And if I don't know me, I truly had no room to know God. I truly had no room to understand the source of this great, unending, undeniable, unconditional love. I couldn't give it to myself because I couldn't receive it from God.
I was storing up my treasures on earth, but not putting any treasure in heaven, which is my internal kingdom. He says, “Heaven is not here or there. The kingdom is not here or there. It's right here, inside.”
It was amazing because as much as I knew Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, be transformed, renew your mind, then you're going to be able to test and approve God's will, pleasing and perfect.”
Even though I had that memorized, I had no idea. I was just conforming to the world. I was shape-shifting and transforming to everything I needed to be in that moment, going from mass to mass, to mass, to mass, to mass.
And eventually it all came crumbling down. I remember having a counselor say, “You keep the surface smooth, Gina, but if you keep stuffing everything down below it, eventually it's going to come up and crack that surface wide open. And it's not going to be the same after that.”
She was right. I had that moment because I was too busy thinking about a perfect household, a perfect job, the perfect amount of money, the perfect church, the perfect status. I thought that was going to give me satisfaction and fulfillment and it didn't.
What actually brought me back to that place of satisfaction was recognizing that there is a path that God has laid before us, that God has called us on from the beginning. And it's not a path that can be detoured, that can be taken away, that can be torn apart by the world's distractions, because it was a path to a deeper connection. It was a path that was led by the Holy Spirit.
When I really started to think about Romans and transforming my mind, I had to strip away so many things, so many of the stories that the world has told us, that our own parents have told us. And nowadays that social media tells us from the moment we enter this place. It's unless you are this, this, and this, well, then you are never going to be worth that. And that's the silencing I had to do.
I had to silence all those voices. I had to turn away from all those distractions and go into that place where true fulfillment takes place. In Psalm 37, it says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
As that scripture that I started with says, do not store these things here on earth, because where your treasure is, that's where your heart is. And my heart was in the world. I turned into knowing Jesus, not just knowing of Jesus, but knowing him, knowing what his teachings are about, knowing what his teachings revealed about me and who I really was and the empowerment that is within me, that if I really trust and lean into it, who I really can be.
Because when we think about transforming, it's not about transforming into someone you're not. I like to think it's you're transforming into who you really are. We are all created in the image of God. We are all bearing the face of Christ. We all have the inner workings of what it means to be the I Am.
But if we easily fall into what the world is saying, if we easily think that it's about the way that everyone else sees us and it's about what we have and what we don't have, we can so quickly forget that. The other day I was at a coffee shop and, when I first got there and I was sitting down with my friend, it was so loud. There were so many people. How often does life get that way where it's just so loud.
You ever go to see a beautiful river or a waterfall, but the sound of the water, the trees and the wind, it almost distracts you from the beauty that's in front of you. Being in the loudness of the coffee shop almost was distracting me from hearing the beautiful conversation that the Spirit was inviting me and my friend into. And it was very interesting because it reminded me of that same path that God calls us to.
It's in the middle of the noise, in the middle of the turbulence, in the middle of the wind and the rushing waters, in the middle of the chatter and the distractions. He calls us to a deeper place. He calls us to that stillness, that still, small voice that never is silent. We're just never silent enough to hear it.
The other morning I was having an interesting morning and I asked Virginia if we could go meditate in the sanctuary. I was actually laying on the chancel floor. We were listening to some meditation music and Virginia was sitting in a pew. And when I was done with my prayer time, I went and I sat over there in a pew and I had my head down and I was saying to God, I was saying, “God, the noise is so loud. The noise is just so loud.” And what I heard Spirit say back to me is, “No, Gina, you just keep turning up the volume.”
You just keep turning up the volume. And that's where I want to bring you all today. Stop for a moment and think, what is it you genuinely choose and desire each day? What is it you are seeking after? What is it you are looking towards? Where are you placing your heart? What are you looking for to find that fulfillment? How many times are you clenching your fist and hitting things and upset even if it's silently within because everything feels too loud, too much, but yet you're wanting more?
You're wanting to be better. You're wanting to be faster, stronger and have it all. But then on the inside, you're like, this is too much. This is too much. I want more. I want more.
This is too much. This is too much. We all have that place within us where we can find that true fulfillment. It says, trust in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
The more that you align with him, the more that you seek him, the more you come to understand his ways and walk in them. Seek first the kingdom of God and all these shall be added unto you. Seek first the kingdom of righteousness and all these shall be added unto you. Seek first the kingdom of love and all these shall be added unto you.
So I just want to encourage you in this upcoming week, keep storing up treasures on earth. Go for it. Go for it and see where it gets you or turn that volume down. Find a spot in a pew, under a tree, in your shower, in your car. I don't care where you find it. And just turn inward and release all of that extra stuff. Just release it. It doesn't mean you don't love your family. It doesn't mean you don't love your job. It doesn't mean you don't feel good having the right amount in your bank account. It just means that at the end of those days, those things are temporary.
But the love, the stillness, the eternity that we find in God, that is everlasting. The peace, the joy, the relationship, that is everlasting. I just want to invite you to make that commitment.
This week I am going to seek first the kingdom of God. I am going to turn that knob down and if something comes in and turns it back up, I'm going to turn it down again. I am going to walk in his ways. I am going to delight in his presence. And I am going to know that fulfillment is found in Christ alone.
Please pray with me.
Our most gracious and loving God, we are so blessed that you continue to give us material treasures. That you give us beautiful relationships with family, with friends, with our spouses, with our children. We're so blessed that you give us houses and cars and vacations and all of those things, God.
But we know that those blessings could never be and will never be worth what you are worth to us, God. What the knowing of who we are is worth to us. What the empowerment of the I Am is worth to us.
So, God, as we are in this place, we say thank you. We say thank you for all the treasure that you have given us that is found in Jesus. We say thank you for the unending, undeniable, unconditional love that we have from you.
God, may we line back up with you and trust that as we lean into you, you will guide us into that everlasting stillness. And so it is.
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