Who Have You Been Saying You Are

What follows is a transcript of Pastor Gina’s message from our Sunday morning gathering. We share these messages on our blog for those who appreciate the opportunity to read the sermon again—whether for deeper reflection, personal study, or a quieter moment of prayer and introspection. As you read, we invite you to linger with the words, notice what resonates, and remain open to how God may be speaking to you through them.

by Gina Johnson

One thing that I greatly appreciated was after Easter, I was able to take a week off. And I've done that in the years past, but this particular year, it meant so much more to me.

And you all could ask, well, what did you do? Where did you go? I didn't do a lot of anything. I really spent a lot of time just practicing being. I spent a lot of time reading, listening to audios, just taking time to let go of the world, the noise, the illusions of having to do something and run somewhere and get somewhere.

That part of me that says, oh, you've taken a week off, and so now let's see how many things we can get done in this week, because it's going to go by so fast. You know, it's like when you start a vacation week and you're already talking about, well, it's going to come to an end really soon. So let me do all that I can.

Let us have this scheduled out. No, for me, it was let me be in each moment in that moment. And although I have six children, a beautiful congregation, some significant people within my life, I let them all go too.

I had very minor communication with my family during that time, very minor communication with my Virginia during that time and other members of the congregation, because it was really a time for me to be present with what God was doing with me, a time to retreat and be in the presence of the I am and really start to sort some things out with myself, just being a time of releasing and receiving. And so I want to invite you into that, because there doesn't have to be a week vacation. There doesn't even have to be a day of isolation to be in that stillness.

So whatever it is that tends to pull you out of being here this morning, whether it's what you have to do this afternoon, whether it's what is still trailing on you from what you saw online or on your phone or heard this morning, whether it's that nagging thing that you've been carrying around all week, I want to invite you to put it down. And anytime it tries to creep up, and even in this moment, we were like, why is she even going through this right now? Just put it down. You can't be anywhere but here.

So let's be here together and open yourselves up and just say, Lord, what do you have for me this morning? And then sit in that presence and allow God to invite you into a clearer picture of who you are and the beautiful work that he has for you to do. So if someone were to ask you right now, how are you? What would you say? And I don't want your church answer or your Christian answer. You know, what would you say? What is your real answer? Would you say, oh Gina, I'm tired, I'm exhausted, oh I'm so busy, oh I'm just trying to finish up the weekend before I have to start again, oh I'm good, I'm okay, you know, I'm just as I always am, you know, same old, same old.

It's interesting because if you're being honest with yourselves, some of you have already had that conversation with yourself or with others this morning as you were coming into the church. We all do it. We all have done it.

We all have just taken someone asking us, saying how are you, saying whatever that emotion we're carrying around in that moment, I'm tired, oh I'm good, I have to go do this and this and I'm doing this and that. But it's interesting. Have you ever stopped and thought about how many times you begin your sentences with I am? You're beginning your sentence with the I am, but you don't finish your sentence with the I am.

You don't stay with the I am. Instead, you add in words like tired and stressed and not good at that and just the kind of person I am. We treat the I am so casually as if it doesn't matter.

It's just conversation. It's just habit. It's the same question that people ask throughout the day multiple times.

What does it matter what we say after the I am? But what if it's more than conversation? What if it's formation? What if it's invitation? Because you don't just say things, you hear them. And over time, you believe them. And if you're not careful, and I know many of us have not been careful, we embody them.

We spend more time in the illusion of who we say we are and then from there, we live from that place. But today, I am calling you. The I am is calling you to be that which you truly are.

So I want you to allow me to take you on a journey. And our journey is going to start this morning with our teacher, Moses. You see, Moses was out in the wilderness and he has this encounter.

It's a bush that's burning, but it's not consumed. Isn't that interesting? A bush burning, not consumed. How many days have we felt like our lives were this burning bush? This space that we just is out of control and we let it consume us.

We let it define us. We let it send this energy within us that doesn't feel good. We let it cause us to say things and do things that don't reflect who we truly are.

Because instead of being like the divine I am, we are that bush that is consumed. We are letting the noise of the world consume us and take us to a place that is not where we always stand. You know, and from that place where Moses witnesses that bush that's burning and not consumed, God calls him and he brings him back to Egypt.

He wants to send him back to go and free the Israelites. And Moses very honestly asks, he says, who do I even say sent me? And why is he asking that question? Because in that moment he does what we all do so quickly. He slips from presence and he starts to concern himself with fear and with lack and with limitation.

He starts to play a broken record in his mind. He's the song that he's come to memorize. A song that tells him I'm old.

I'm not good at speaking. I am a wanted man. I am filled with fear.

I am not sure how I can do this. But I'm going to stop there because you all know this song. You have your own version of it and you sing it your own way when someone or something or God is calling you to do something.

Instead of remembering who you are, remembering the I am, you come up with fear. You come up with hesitation. You come up with doubt.

You come up with limitations based on what you've been reciting and rehearsing day in and day out. However, that is not how God responds. God says I am who I am.

God says tell them the I am sent you. Now that's a strange answer if you really stop and think about it. God didn't give Moses a title.

He didn't say the powerful one sent you, the creator sent you, the maker of heaven and earth, the one who's going to free the Israelites sent you. He says I am. I am present, ongoing, not tied to the past or the future, just beingness itself.

I am who I am. And in that moment, God is revealing something about his nature. He's not limited.

He's not defined. He simply is. And that is who we are.

I want to pause for a second because in moments where restoration is taking place, we have to clear out what no longer belongs. We have to correct what has been damaged or distorted. And when you live in the world we live in, there is a lot of things that will cause us to think that we are damaged and distorted, that we are not good enough.

And so I want you to come with me on this and don't just see it as a task, but see this as an opportunity, a classroom, an occasion in which to learn. And so here's the learning piece. In ancient traditions, the name of God was considered too sacred to speak.

When you would look at the Hebrew tradition, they would say the name Yahweh, the name revealed to Moses, was treated with such reverence that people wouldn't even pronounce it. Over time, they would substitute it with names like Lord. And not because they didn't believe in it, but because they didn't want to misuse something so holy.

You ever have that thing that's just so near and dear and special to you, you're almost afraid to touch it. You're almost afraid that you could ruin it, that you could do something wrong with it, that you could mess it up. And so people wouldn't speak the name of the Lord.

They wouldn't speak Yahweh. They wouldn't speak the name of the I am. And that's beautiful.

That's a deep awareness that shows that they didn't think it was casual, that they believe it mattered. But sometimes what happens is we move from reverence to distance. We take something that is meant to be within us, beside us, and moving through us, and we put it out here because we don't understand.

Because something in our lives, something in our past, something that's been programmed and taught to us, has taken away the truth of the I am that we are. It's interesting because God didn't withhold his name from Moses in that moment. He reveals it.

He says, I am. He is not creating a separation. He's bringing understanding.

And I don't know, maybe it's just me. But isn't it interesting that the way God names himself is the same way that we talk about ourselves all day long? I am. I am.

I am. So if we're going to speak the holy name of God, that divine I am name, then I am certain what comes after it should matter more than we realize. I am certain that if we are going to speak the name of the I am and place it upon ourselves, that we should speak truth about who we are.

There's a proverb that says, as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. And when that was written, it wasn't just talking about a quick passing thought. It was talking about what you hold internally, what you rehearse, what you come into agreement with.

In other words, if something is happening inside of you, eventually it's going to show up in how you live. You see, when you declare yourself to be something, you start to express yourself that way because you have entered into an agreement space and you will see this everywhere. There is an old teaching that says all that we are is the result of what we have thought.

So different voice, different time, but it still holds true today. What's happening within us doesn't stay there. It then comes up and it starts to go even further.

Let me give you an example that'll make this a little more real. Have you ever noticed how two people can walk through the exact same situation, can be looking at the exact same thing, moving within the exact same experience, and they receive it, they experience it, they speak of it completely different? Two people can come from a situation and say, I'm always overlooked. I am never called upon.

I am never seen. And someone else can step out of that and say, wow, I'm learning and I'm growing. I am beginning to see the truth of who I am.

It's just as simple as two people walking outside and one saying, wow, it is a beautiful day. And someone comes out right behind them and says, oh, I bet a storm is going to roll in every morning now, any moment now it's going to happen. It's about two people walking into something and saying, okay, there's a lot going on here.

What a great opportunity. Where can I jump in this and help? And someone walking in saying, what the heck has happened here? There's no way. There's no way we can do this.

This is too much. It's interesting. Because again, we have the same classroom, the same opportunity, but a different I am.

But there's only one true I am. Over time, these two lives, they're going to move in different directions. Over time, they're going to move in different directions and not because one is better than the other, but because one is choosing to agree with the I am that they are, while the other one is choosing to fall into an illusion, to fall into a story, to fall into a label that was never meant to be placed upon them.

It's like an algorithm. Whatever you keep feeding it, it's going to keep showing you more and more of the same. So if all week long, the message you're carrying is, I am older.

I am hurting. I am ill. I am not ready for this.

I am not able to do this. Well, you're going to start to notice that it will be confirmed all around you. Genuinely, just take a quick moment in your mind, because I don't like being trapped in the past.

And think about the way you've used your holy name of the I am this past week. How many places did you use it with an association that you would never give to our Lord, to our God, to our Yahweh, but you gave it to yourself? His children? You gave it to yourself. That's interesting.

You know, when you look at the way your week moves and the things that you think and the things that you say out loud and you start to see the situations confirm it, it's not because it's the only truth. It's because it's the truth that you are creating and you are choosing to feed yourself. What if you all walked in here this morning and I handed you all name tags? I am hurting.

I am not sure if my surgery or my medication, I am not sure if I'm ever going to get past this pain and suffering. I am scared because I don't have enough money in my bank account. I am angry because my relationship is challenged.

I am sad because I feel like I'm alone. I am lost because there is no one to show me which way to go. If I handed you a name tag that said these things, how many of you all would say, oh, thank you.

That fits perfectly. I wouldn't want to wear it. I hope that you wouldn't want to wear it.

But some of us, maybe we can't see them, but you know they're there. You've been wearing them for years. And even as you're sitting here with me listening, you're probably still going to go out and put the name tag back on.

It's sad because nobody is forcing these name tags upon us. Nobody is forcing the misuse of the I am upon us. We've picked them up somewhere along the way.

Someone made a comment. A season of our life didn't go well. We tried something and it didn't work out.

And so it shifted from this is what happened to this is who I am. But that is wrong. That is wrong.

For just a second, without shame, without feeling the need to fix something or earn some kind of spiritual gold star, just take a moment and turn inward and say, who have I been calling myself? What have I been saying about myself lately? And not because it's who you are, but because it's your default. It's your go-to. It's what I've always done.

Same old, same old, right? Just a new day, but the same old thing going on. But it's not true. If you're not saying, I am a child of God.

I am a divine emanation of Christ. I am complete. I am sacred.

I am whole. Then you're not speaking truth. If it's just something that you've been running in the background, it's time to stop.

Take a look at Jesus. He doesn't just talk about this. He lives from it.

One of the most beautiful statements that he makes is when he says, I am the light of the world. And when he says that, he's not just giving us information. He's revealing identity.

He's showing what it looks like to be rooted in the same divine I am presence that Moses encountered. He knows where he is anchored. Do you know where you are anchored? There is no hesitation when Jesus says, I am the light of the world.

There's no second guessing. Are you hesitant to claim the divine I am presence that you are? When you begin to see that God reveals the I am and Jesus embodies it, and that same embodiment is open to you, things will change. In the middle of this beautiful educational sandbox that we call life, that we call the human experience, we've been using the same language day in and day out without realizing the weight of it.

And it's time to truly know who you are. I am the I am that you are. You are the I am that I am.

And we are the I am that is God. In the summer of 2011, my family and I went to Pine Haven Christian Assembly. It's a campground that's located in Minnesota.

And it had a long legacy with the congregation that we were in at the time. And we went to that camp, and we were very excited. We didn't have a little Dorothea yet, but the rest of us went.

Omi was, goodness, he was probably, he was about a year and a half old at that time. And while we were there, I was carrying this weight on my shoulders because Isabella, who was our oldest at the time, and she was coming upon turning 10 years old. And she was just having some challenges of her own.

And I remember thinking, I really hope this week is going to be something to help her, something that's going to help her as she is moving into the summer, another school year. You know, she's hitting that big number 10. And I looked at all of my other children, and the same fear, the same concern that I was experiencing with my thoughts of Isabella, I said, oh wow, Gina, you got four more beyond that.

And there were other things that were weighing on my mind. You see, just about a year ago, I had what I called my spiritual breakdown and spiritual awakening. I had a day where the I am statements I was making were not in alignment with the divine I am.

And I was, as I was driving to work that day, I just couldn't let go of the noise. And I didn't want to go back home. I didn't want to be a mom of five kids because I am going to ruin their life.

You hear that? I am. I didn't no longer want to be with Travis because eventually this is all going to fall apart and I am going to ruin his life. And I didn't want to turn to my parents or my congregation because they don't really see me and know me.

I wasn't a minister at the time, but I had a great congregation. No. And so what I wanted to do was I wanted to run.

I wanted to go someplace where I could just be brand new, where I could start all over and no one would know me. And this time, guys, this time, I was going to let God guide every step I made. And so I knew it probably wasn't the best idea, but I wasn't going to take my life.

So instead, I was just going to get in my car and go. And I wasn't going to say anything to my family. And I thought to myself, I'm going to make it.

I'm Gina. I know how I got here. I know where I'll go from here.

And something happened along the way and obviously that didn't happen. And so here we are a year later. I'm at Pine Haven Christian Assembly and I see this lady.

And I don't even know why, but I go over to her and I say, do you work with the kids? Do you work in their groups? Are you going to be part of it? And it just so happened that she was going to be in Isabella's family. And I said, oh, that's great. I said, I need to tell you what's going on with her.

And I start to tell her what's going on with Isabella and I'm going on and on and on. And she stops me. She just interrupts me and she stops me.

And she says, have you ever heard of inner healing prayer? Have you ever worked with inner healing? And I remember in that moment being in shock because when I had that episode a year ago, I put myself into Christian counseling with a very beautiful soul and she wanted to start doing some inner healing prayer with me. And so when this lady said that to me, I said, yeah. I said, I'm actually doing that with my counselor.

And she says, what's your name? And I tell her, she says, Gina, you didn't come to me for Isabella. You came to me for you. Would it be okay if I took you over there and we did something together and I prayed with you? And I said, yeah, okay.

And you have to tell you that though I went in agreement, part of me was feeling this like, what is going on here? I just want you to help me with my kid, but okay. I'm not a Christian camp. Let's do it.

So we go over and there's a bench and there's some trees and there's the pathway of people, but all of them disappeared. She pulled someone in who I can't even see them in my mind anymore, but they were there and Travis wasn't too far away. So he was there too.

And she had me sit down beside her on this bench and she had me close my eyes and she just invited me to be still. She invited me just to hear the sound of her voice, just to release everything and to let her pray over me. Y'all, I don't even know what she said.

I can't remember a single word that she uttered, but while we were in that space, I was listening to her and all of a sudden things just disappeared. In my mind, I saw God. With my eyes closed, I saw God and he, my father almighty, stood there and he had a baby in his arms and he brought the baby to his chest and I knew that baby was me.

And I watched this baby transform from an infant to a toddler to a preschooler. I saw this clearly in my mind, this little girl with her legs wrapped around God and he was holding her and as she continued to transform, eventually she laid across his arms and she looked just like my Isabella, but she was me. And in that moment that she laid in his arms, he said clearly, he said, I am with you.

I have always been with you. I will always be with you. I will carry you through.

And in that moment, I just began crying, just the ugly cry, the kind Alan makes fun of me about because he's seen me do it time and time again. And I was just crying and crying and I didn't hear anything. I just saw the image of the I Am holding me and I was filled with peace.

And I knew from that moment on, anything that I experienced, any of the abuse I experienced as a child, the questioning of my mother's love, the divorces in my past, the places I've had lack and scarcity, all of those things, dropping out of high school, putting up a child for adoption, none of those things were who I am. None of those things would hold me back. I knew from that moment on that I am a child of God and that I am destined for great things.

I knew in that moment that I was highly favored in the eyes of my father. And for that reason, he would carry me through. He would empower me in every way to carry me through.

And it's interesting because as that image faded, what came into my mind was, how great is our God? I just started hearing it. How great is our God? Sing with me. How great is our God? And it just went into it.

He is the name above all names. He is worthy of all praise. My heart will sing how great is our God.

I opened my eyes. I hugged her while crying and wiping my snot and tears all over. I got up.

I embraced Travis. There were no words necessary. What happened that day was I saw the face of the I am.

I'd like to tell you that from that point forward, nothing ever went this way or that way. And I just was, you know, straight arrow from there on out, holy and divine. Well, you know, the thing is, that is true.

From there on out, I did know that I am the holy child of God. I am a divine emanation of Christ Jesus. But like we all have, the noise and the pools and the tug of war of life continued.

I fell back asleep many times. I dozed off to the truth of who I am many times. But one thing I can tell you about our I am is he does not give up.

He does not forsake us. You know, there's that scripture where Christ is on the cross and he says, they translate it, my God, my God, why have you forsaken me? If you actually go and do some studying, my God, my God, I have come for this. I have come for this.

How many times have we thought to ourselves, where are you, God? What is going on? What is happening? Because we let go of who the I am is. So I am going to bring this to a close. I just want to invite you all to recognize that I am that you are.

I will tease you all many times as this seems to be my seasoned section of the congregation. Now, when I look here, I see light. I see love.

I see journeys that have led so many people to discover the I am that they are. When I look here, I see teachers. I see nurturing, caring souls.

You're not old. You're not facing illness. You're not concerned about all these things.

You are the I am. And that goes far beyond this space that goes throughout this place, throughout those doors. And so I just want to invite you over this next week, remember who you are, consider the I am that you are, and be the I am that you are.

Please join me in prayer. Our divine, mighty I am presence, we are so grateful that regardless of how the world tells us we see ourselves, regardless of the illusions and the things that we buy into, we know the truth that you are the divine I am, that we are the I am. We are your children.

We are the representation of the love and light that is you, that is us. And so walk with us in this week. Remind us, call us forth to be the I am that you are, that we are.

It's in Jesus' name we pray. Amen.